Of course on March 17th, EVERYONE IS IRISH, but before you venture out to your local pub or St. Patrick’s Day party, brush up a wee bit with our St. Paddy’s Primer. Enjoy a little Irish humour, some tradition and a few fast facts to put you in the know…
Irish Toasts & Limericks
May those who love us, love us...
And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts
But if he doesn't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles, so we know them by their limping!
May the winds of fortune sail you...
May you float on gentle seas,
May it always be the other guy,
Who says, "the drinks on me"!
A wonderful bird is the pelican...
His bill can hold more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican - Dixon Merritt
A canner exceedingly canny...
One morning remarked to his granny:
A canner can can
Any thing that he can
But a canner can't can a can, can he?" - Carolyn Wells
Tid Bits, Jokes & GUINNESS - celebrated since 1759!
The Famous Guinness Secret? A widget! Once the can is opened, pressure drops, activating a jet of beer and nitrogen to surge from a partially filled plastic chamber (much like a ping/pong ball) from within the container. The widget bobbles about releasing this unique blend of nitrogen and carbon dioxide which creates the liquid whirl that surges, plunges and slowly but surely separates into its well-known black body and velvety head.
The Perfectly Professional Pour? Tilt your glass about 45 degrees and thoughtfully pour ‘til three quarters full. Place the glass down and let the surge settle. Only then, fill the glass to the brim. Apparently it takes about 119.5 seconds to pour that perfect pint. Perhaps that’s long enough to tell a few jokes:
An Irishman finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes. What would you like?" Irishman scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty.” Granted, Master" retorted the Genie and produced the magic bottle. The man was delighted and got drunk on this one Guinness bottle for weeks. Finally, he remembered that he had two wishes left. He rubbed the lamp again--the Genie appeared. "Yes Master, you have two more wishes, what would you like? You know that never ending Guinness bottle?he asks the Genie. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'll take another two bottles .
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey--just to calm me nerves. So the next Sunday, before mass, the new priest took Father Murphy’s advice and drank some whiskey. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found this note on his door…
“…A few sips of whiskey--NOT the whole bottle! There are 10 commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub".Next Sunday, there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, and NOT a Patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's!”
A drunk gets on a bus and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork. "About 2 hours," says the conductor. "Okay "says the drunk "then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?" The irate conduct or says to the drunk "It's still about 2 hours, man. Why'dya think there'd be a difference?" "Well," says the drunk, "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year's, but it's a helluva long time between New Year's to Christmas!"
What's In A Design?
The Irish are also known for creating elaborate and intricate symbols used on crosses, monuments in architecture and jewellery—the Claddagh is one to know about. This celtic design features two hands embracing a heart, usually surmounted by a crown. The symbolism represents love (heart), friendship (hands), and loyalty (crown). Pay attention to how it is worn as a Claddagh ring is traditionally meant to indicate the wearer's romantic availability, or NOT. If the ring is on the right hand with heart facing outward (away from the body) this indicates the person wearing the ring is available and looking for a relationship---"their heart is open." Worn on the right hand with the heart facing inward (towards the body) indicates a love interest "someone has already captured their heart". Worn on the left hand ring finger facing outward means the person is “engaged” but if facing inward, consider the wearer “married”.
Irish Superstitions & Funky Folklore
'Tis an Irish time of year and although the Irish view St. Patrick’s Day more as a religious celebration, a true Irishman is still tethered to the myths and folklore of his home land. Embedded there by generations past,
Typically, it’s still good fortune to carry a rabbit’s foot, find a four-leaf clover or “lucky penny” and there’s misfortune in forgetting to throw spilled salt over your shoulder, having a bird fly into your house or seven years bad luck from a broken mirror. It’s fascinating to look back at some of these mysterious beliefs and imagine a time when they were foremost in one’s mind and wound their way throughout the entire day.
Weddings were particularly embedded in superstition. An Irish wedding would see the local parishioners throwing rice and even household items, like pots and pans, at the couple to show their approval of the marriage. Getting married or moving to another house on Saturday, the day before the Sabbath, was inadvisable. In the couple’s new home, visitors understood they should bring gifts and one such gift would be a horseshoe, hung open-side up above a door, “to keep the luck from running out”. In each corner of their bedroom, a prayer would be said as well as leaving an article of clothing. An acorn on the windowsill kept out lightening and carrying one gave long life and good luck. Counting the seeds in a half-cut apple could tell the number of children you’d have and if born at night, they’d have the gift of seeing the spirits or good people while those born prior to
A bee buzzing about in the home foretold of a visitor but to kill it would bring bad luck and a disagreeable guest. A dropped knife meant a male visitor while a fork meant he’s bringing his family. Crossed knives on the counter were uncrossed for fear of an argument. Shoes weren’t allowed on tables or hats on beds. It was important to get out of bed on the same side you got in and beds were never situated facing the door. Cats that strayed to your home were made to stay but left behind if you moved.
Forget needing a doctor if you were of Irish descent and practiced the “old” Irish ways. Swallowing a live frog was said to cure a stomach ache. Yuk! Sore eyes were soothed by rubbing boiled daisies on them while rubbing the tail of a herring across the eyes of a child would keep him well throughout the year. Cuttings from your hair should not be left where birds could find them. They will be used to build bird nests, and you will have headaches for a whole year!
There are literally hundreds of customs related to superstitious, old Irish ways and to recount them all would have us here for at least the next century so enjoy those mentioned and be glad…if you’re only Irish for a day!
